Fun Fact #32: I guess I'm super "white"

A bunch of my friends have emailed me a link to this blog called Stuff White People Like. I actually think a more appropriate title would be Stuff Upper-Middle Class Liberal Urbanites Like, but I guess Stuff White People Like flows a little better. The blog reads kind of like an instruction manual on how to fit in with "White People"...

There are two ways that one can read the blog and I don't really know how the author means for it to be read. On one hand, one can see it as being racist and mean-spirited toward a particular group of people. On the other hand, one could also read it as something that is offensive and funny at the same time. I personally chose to take the second route, but I have a kind of harsh sense of humor and I tend to find "mean-spirited" things to be funny.

The reason I find this blog humorous is because it has me and basically everyone I know pegged down the most mundane aspects. I was really bored at work yesterday, so I read through all the posts and found myself nodding in agreement to the vast majority of them.

I, like almost everyone else I know, like to pretend that I'm a unique little snowflake but, the fact is, I'm painfully similar to a lot of people in my age group (at least on a superficial level). I really have no problem accepting that fact though. I don't think that a lot of the stuff that "white people" like is really even that bad.

Anyways, these are some of my favorite posts:

#67: Standing Still at Concerts
"They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you."
I totally believe this to be true in my case because my dancing skills, or lack thereof, are just that bad.

#54: Kitchen Gadgets
"...The need to own the holy grail of white kitchens - the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle"
I can truly say that basically every house I ever visited (including my own) had a freaking Kitchen Aid Mixer. Ours was never used but it still sat there proudly. And in college, I remember how everyone oohed and ahhed over those who were lucky enough to have one at such a young age!

#40: Apple Products
"On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices?

Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet."
No comment is really even needed, this is so painfully true. People who have Apple products, and I'm one of them, have a tendency become super elitist about how their products are soooo great and how they can never go back to a PC now.

#35: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
"White women all consider John Stewart to be the most perfect man on the planet. This is not a debate, it is law."
True.

#16: Gifted Children
"The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.

If a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school

NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear."
This is my favorite post because it's so accurate. I still remember the pride in my parents' voices when they were able to announce to their friends that of their children had qualified for California's "Gifted and Talented Education" (or GATE) program. My parents were also fans of the Montessori schools and stuff like that. I don't know what they would have done had one of us failed to be "gifted"...

Once again, I can see why people may be offended by this but I just take it with a grain of salt and see the humor in it. A whole different class of white people have "You Might be a Redneck If..." and "Blue Collar TV'" and they're able to laugh at their stereotypes, so I figure that I should be able to as well.

Fun Fact #28: I'd be humilated...

I was watching the news this morning at the gym and there was a report on the obesity epidemic. That in itself is nothing exciting, there's always a report on how Americans are eating themselves to death. This report used the typical footage of obese people walking around and eating, and, as usual, the footage avoided showing their faces to preserve their identity. But people can still recognize themselves and others without seeing a face.

Footage like is always on and I realized that there must be people that are innocently watching the news and then they see an image of their body being shown the represent someone who is morbidly obese. Can you imagine how horrifically depressing that would be?

I'm sure this has happened to quite a few individuals and I actually feel really badly for them. I wonder what their reaction would be?

I googled the term obese to find pictures to go with this post and realized that people could also come across pictures of themselves that way too. I just cannot even fathom what it would feel like to see your body alongside some medical article about obesity. I think I'd be totally and utterly humiliated.

These people must know that they're overweight, but I just don't think they'd be thrilled being with their "anonymous" image being broadcasted during a CNN report on America's gluttony.

Fun Fact #27: Police without guns just look off

The weather has been horrible in Pittsburgh and I've been been feeling kind of sick, therefore I've been staying inside and watching TV. The current writer's strike has caused a total lack of new episodes of any of my standby shows, so I've been forced to turn to other sources. I get a few channels that randomly show British mystery/crime shows. The acting and writing is surprisingly good and they often play more like little movies (running about 90 minutes each episode) rather than TV show.

Anyways, crime shows will obviously have characters that are cops and those cops will inevitably spend some scene running after a criminal. And it's during these scenes that I notice the biggest difference between American and UK crime shows. This is because when the cop either starts chasing the suspect or catches up to him/her, he'll pull out his weapon and brandish it at them in an attempt to get the suspect of comply with his orders. But, the thing is, most UK cops are not allowed to use guns....

The weapon of most British cops according to Wikipedia and my TV

They instead use an extendable baton. A baton!! I realize that it can cause great pain (and probably even kill) when it's used to hit someone, but it doesn't really look threatening compared to a gun. I know some UK forces are armed with guns, but most are not. If I were a criminal I'd be a lot more likely to submit to a cop with a gun than a freaking baton. It honestly takes me out of the program when I see one of the cops whip out their baton and begin the chase.

I guess it can also be a sign of how much the media influences how I, and probably others, view things because I've never actually seen a cop pull out a gun on anyone, but it's still something I see as the norm. I'd bet that a lot of criminals in the US, no matter how much it could actually hurt them, wouldn't feel very threatened when being chased by a cop wielding a baton.

But of course, let's be honest. I'd be terrified of cop chasing me no matter what he was wielding, and probably submit pretty quickly (if I hadn't already tripped on my own while running). I'm not really a hardened criminal type though...

Fun Fact #16: The Pittsburgh Airport is full of lovely individuals

I'm in the Pittsburgh Airport right now and my flight doesn't leave for another hour. Luckily, there's free wireless here, so that should keep me occupied for a short while. But an even better way to keep busy is to people watch, and I've seen some "special" people while waiting.

My favorite couple (so far) are these two obese individuals wearing matching Mickey Mouse shirts. They were going to Disney World (which totally ties this post into my previous one about people being too heavy for the rides there) and they felt the need to tell me all about their plans. But the most awesome part of this couple was their matching hair! The woman had her hair in pigtails and the man had his beard in little pigtails too!! It was a really surreal experience in hindsight, and I'd chalk it up to an early morning hallucination (it had occurred at 4 am on the parking shuttle) except for the fact that I saw them again a few minutes ago! I think they're amusing now, but I'll die if I'm stuck between them on a flight....

So, the airport McDonald's doesn't open until 5:30 here, but there's a massive line of people looking like they're ready to tear down the flimsy metal fence in hopes of getting some sure to be healthy food. I kind of want it to happen, solely because it'd be such a crazy thing to see.

There's a guy across from me watching something on his computer. I truly think that it's anime porn. And, no matter what Laurel tried to once argue, it's some pretty messed up stuff. The Japanese have some crazy fetishes...