Fun Fact #45: 3-D Films Terrify Me

I can watch almost any film and read any sort of book without getting scared, I'll get disturbed if something is really horrific but usually not scared. Though there are exceptions, I'm totally terrified by 3-D films. I assume that my fear started after some traumatic viewing experience when I was an overly imaginative child, an experience so traumatic that it was entirely wiped from my memory. Either that, or I'm just a baby when it come to images leaping at me from the screen.I've only seen a few 3-D films and they were all at amusement parks (i.e. Honey, I Shrunk the Audience at Disneyland). I never even thought that they'd come to theaters since that seemed to have gone out of style in the '50s, so imagine my horror when I discovered that 3-D films have made a comeback. In fact, I was almost dragged to see the horrible looking (due both the the story and 3-D images) Journey to the Center of the Earth. Luckily, I managed to get out of the viewing but I can only assume that had I seen it my entire experience would've made up of me cowering in terror.

But perhaps I would've gone with my other coping mechanism, which involves me refusing to put on the stupid glasses they give you. I might have occasionally put them on for a minute, but they would've been torn off the minute something came flying toward me. Oh, and viewing a 3-D image without the glasses means that the film is weirdly colored and distorted.

If you've been privileged enough to never have seen a 3-D film, then you'll have to trust me that even a cute rabbit hopping towards you becomes horrific in 3-D.

Fun Fact #44: Family vacations lead to a lot of "fun facts"

Family vacations have made up a significant portion of my life. I've gone to various countries but the majority of them tend to take place in California and usually involve a thrilling road trip on the 5 (or Interstate 5 for everyone outside of Southern California). This summer's family vacations mixed up the formula a little as we went to Atlantic City and then flew, not drove, to the annual Yosemite camping trip. Neither of the trips proved to be hugely memorable, but there were a few "fun facts" that arose from them.

Atlantic City

1) Atlantic City, which I went to for a family reunion, lived up to every preconceived notion that I had about it. I know that I've mentioned that Pittsburgh had more obese people than I'd ever seen before, but Atlantic City surpassed it by leaps and bounds. As one of my aunts put it, "I've never felt better about myself..." Our hotel was basically just a casino and beyond all the lovely noise, flashing lights, and constant smoking, one also had to deal with the risk of being mowed over by some overly enthusiastic casino-goer on a Rascal scooter.

2) I was involved in a rescue attempt at the Jersey shore. No, I didn't finally get to put my superb lifeguard skills to use. Instead, my cousin, my siblings, and I ended up getting stuck in a rip tide. We were all swimming out but I guess we didn't look very graceful because this poor lifeguard came racing out to us with his rescue tube because he assumed we were drowning. Luckily, we had survived the rip tide and were perfectly fine. I think my brother, being the only boy, was slightly humiliated. But it doesn't end there since a few hours later one of aunts actually had to be rescued. I'm sure the lifeguards all hated my family.

3) I went Savage Men, a male revue, with my some of cousins and my 87-year old grandmother. It was just as awkward as it the website makes it out to be. I was hoping it would some choreographed show, like Chippendale's, but it was definitely not up to that caliber. Instead, the show consisted of super beefy men (as in their arms could not touch their sides) humping and simulating sex with "lucky" audience participants. We had went because my grandmother had seen "Thunder Down Under" in Vegas and is basically their number one fan, but even she was disappointed with this show. The most surreal part was one guy came out dressed as a soldier from 300 and began to strip while the movie played in the background. So, while this lovely young man was gyrating all over these wasted girls, images of men being decapitated were flashing across the screen. I left early with one of my cousins (after she was basically accosted by one of the dancers in an attempt to get a tip) and we ended up eating our leftover dinner in some creepy alley on the Boardwalk.

Yosemite

1) As anyone who knows me would guess, I'm not a fan of camping. I'm obsessive about showering and keeping things neat. Camping and I just don't really mix. My last "true" camping experience was in Ashland, OR and it was a disaster. I woke up the first night floating in a puddle of water and the second night was spent sleeping in the back of someone's car. Therefore, this camping trip catered a little more to someone like me as I was able to have an air mattress and hot showers whenever I wanted.

2) I adore white water rafting, it's probably one of my favorite things to do. We spent a day rafting the Tuolumne River and, beyond getting severely sunburned, I had a great time. My family took up the whole raft which meant that my littlest sister actually had to paddle, a task at which she epically failed at. She would basically just dip her paddle in the water and then stare at scenery.

3)I was able to finally finish one of my new favorite books, Blindness by Jose Saramago. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants an engrossing and challenging read. It takes awhile to get into because there is scant punctuation and sentences can take up a whole page.

4) I'm not a huge fan of rodents. So, I was horrified to discover that I had brought a mouse back from camp. I reacted in a totally adult manner, throwing the suitcase at my youngest sister and demanding that she take care of the situation. She ended up trying to nurse the mouse (Tiny Tuolumne or "TT") back to health; she gave him bird food to eat and tried to make him drink out of a little dropper. It was a pretty cute sight, but TT tragically passed away. He shall probably be buried in the massive pet cemetery at our house, next the various pet rodents that have passed away before. There were plans to have a ceremony for TT, but I was busy this evening and my absence would have made the number of attendees drop to one. So, the ceremony for a mouse we knew for a total of an hour was postponed. As of now, TT creepily is sitting right outside my bedroom window in a little box....

Fun Fact #39: Death notices are certainly a way to liven up getting the mail

It's no secret that I'm living in Pittsburgh, but it may come of surprise to some people that I'm basically living in a retirement home while I'm here. I truly believe that the average age of my "neighbors" is about eighty.

The fact that I'm living with a group of people about six decades older than me means that death is a constant presence here. I often see an ambulance parked out front when I come back from work or the gym (my only two activities here besides eating). The deaths don't really bother me since I don't know the people, but it's just a kind of sad situation all around.

What makes it even more awkward is how the building handles these deaths. The deaths are so common that the building managmment has a box pre-printed signs that read:

We're sorry to inform you that blank from apartment blank has passed away on blank date. The funeral is scheduled for blank date.

It makes sense to have these signs but they still come across as a little morbid to me. They're also posted by the mail box, so everyone gets a chance to read the news while they're getting their mail. It's pretty a pretty special experience to learn that Mildred from next door passed away the night before while you're thumbing through the newest issues of US Weekly.

I don't think I ever want to live in a place where death is such a constant part of life that having 20 or so death notices on hand makes total sense. I'd much rather retire someplace where I'm not constantly reminded how close death is. Of course that opinion could very well change in the next fifty or so years.

Fun Fact #34: Guys will never change...

Spoken by two guys in their forties with heavy Pittsburgh (aka Yinzer) accents during a Pittsburgh Penguin's hockey game:

Guy #1: Celine is pretty hot, right?
Guy #2: I guess so...
Guy #1: You know we've almost hooked up a bunch of times?
Guy #2: Almost?
Guy #1: Yeah, almost. I've decided she must be a lesbian.

I love that some people will go through life avoiding the true cause of their problems. In this case, Guy #2 looked like he had recently crawled out of his parents' basement for the first time in months.

Fun Fact #33: I'm terrified my toenail is going to fall off

I was trying to be a "good sport" in December when I decided to embrace the miserable cold and snow that winter brings to Pittsburgh by going skiing. I used a pair a pair of my cousin's old boots and things seemed to be going to well, I mean the boots hurt a little but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

The next morning I woke up to find the toenail on my big toe was throbbing and turning unpleasant colors. I realize this sounds like a pretty mundane "injury" to complain about but now, about three months later, the nail is dark black and feels (and looks) like it's going to fall off. The thought of that happening makes me nauseous.

I've been unable to stop focusing on my "deformed" toenail. I just want the nail off to fall off quickly, but I don't want it to be a surprise. I realize that it almost sounds like I'm discussing giving birth or something. Anyways, one of my newest fears involves taking off my shoe and having my toe nail fall off in the process. I now take my shoes off very carefully...

I'm super impatient and like being in control of things, I'm not into anything unexpected. I was totally the kid who would basically tear their loose tooth out to avoid waiting for it to fall out. I would head to the bathroom the second I felt that my tooth was loose and sit in front of the mirror twisting it until it came out.

I obviously cannot follow the same tactics for my toenail since it would probably lead to excruciating pain, so I just have to wait it out. I realize this is not a very significant event to write about it but it's probably the thing I'm focusing on most. For better or worse, I tend to obsesses about things I have no control over.

UPDATE: My biggest fear came true and I tore my toenail off when I was removing my shoe. I can't even look at my toe without feeling nauseous but I guess it can start healing now.

Fun Fact #30: Christmas, Larry the Cable Guy, and a drug addict were all aspects of my day

Today has proven to be totally random for me. I saw/heard so many things that I felt were totally worthy of becoming a "fun fact"...

1) I to meeting with a guy about fixing the furnaces at a bunch of properties and his phone went off about 8 times during our hour long meeting. That in itself wouldn't be noteworthy, but his ring tone certainly was. His ring tone was freakin' Larry the Cable Guy chanting "Git 'r done" and other super cool catchphrases at a progressively louder level. And he kept giggling like a child anytime it rung because I guess he just thought it was that funny and cool. Also, he had an iPhone. An iPhone with a Larry the Cable Guy ring tone. The whole thing makes no sense to me.

2) I had to do a walk through of a government subsidized housing unit and the tenant I meant was unlike anyone I've ever talked to. I'm sure this lady was a drug addict, either active or recovering, and she couldn't follow one thought to the next. She'd talk about everything from Winnie-the-Pooh to roof leaks to asshole cops to her lunch plans in a thirty second time span. I had no idea what to say or how to interact with her, so most of my visit was spent in stunned silence. And on top of all that, her apartment was barely furnished and she lived off food stamps, but she had a massive LCD TV and amazing surround sound to go with it.

3)It is now Feburary. Christmas has been done for well over a month and even the laziest people have removed their Christmas decorations. Except for this individual, whom I'll refer to as Ultimate Christmas Fan (UCF), whose car was still fully decked out for the season.

Click on the picture to see it larger and in all its full glory...

Please take notice of all the festive details UCF has been so careful to include. There are Christmas light stickers to go along with the giant "Joy" sticker. There's also the terrifying Santa creature who seems to chocking on the license plate. There's a Steelers Christmas flag, which is hard to see, butPittsburgh never forgets about their Steelers. My personal favorite touch is the reindeer antlers that grace the roof of the car!!! I was never able to see the front of the car, but I wouldn't be surprised if UCF had a giant reindeer face painted on the grill or something.

Fun Fact #28: I'd be humilated...

I was watching the news this morning at the gym and there was a report on the obesity epidemic. That in itself is nothing exciting, there's always a report on how Americans are eating themselves to death. This report used the typical footage of obese people walking around and eating, and, as usual, the footage avoided showing their faces to preserve their identity. But people can still recognize themselves and others without seeing a face.

Footage like is always on and I realized that there must be people that are innocently watching the news and then they see an image of their body being shown the represent someone who is morbidly obese. Can you imagine how horrifically depressing that would be?

I'm sure this has happened to quite a few individuals and I actually feel really badly for them. I wonder what their reaction would be?

I googled the term obese to find pictures to go with this post and realized that people could also come across pictures of themselves that way too. I just cannot even fathom what it would feel like to see your body alongside some medical article about obesity. I think I'd be totally and utterly humiliated.

These people must know that they're overweight, but I just don't think they'd be thrilled being with their "anonymous" image being broadcasted during a CNN report on America's gluttony.

Fun Fact #25: I think I'm allergic to my new face lotion

It's super cold here in Pittsburgh, Monday's high was only like 15 degrees, and the heating units everywhere are going full blast. The cold weather plus the heat wrecks havoc upon my skin and I've never been more dry and flaky in my entire life. I constantly complain about it but it doesn't seem to really fix anything.

So I decided to by some super moisturizing lotion at Target in hopes of rectifying the situation. I slathered the lotion all over my face before I went to bed. It started to sting a little, but I ignored it and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like my face is buring and I looked in the mirror and saw that my skin was all red and my eyes were almost swollen shut. It was quite the vision. I took an emergency shower and things looked slightly better in the morning, but it was still not a fun situation.

At my worst, I feel that I looked somewhat similar to Quasimodo. Luckily there was no one around to see me in all my hideous glory and I'm at work now looking like a human being, albeit a slightly red one.

This is a lovely rendering of the image I saw in the mirror last night

Fun Fact #17: I can sometimes be a sensitive individual

Yesterday I was traveling back from San Diego to Pittsburgh via Southwest. They allow you to choose your own seats, which works out fine if you board early but basically regulates you to a middle seat if you don't.

I'm paranoid about printing out my boarding pass and stuff, so I was able to board early and secure a window seat. Aisle seats may allow for more legroom, but they also provide ample opportunity for people to accidentally brush up against you and for the flight attendant to run over your leg with her cart. So basically, I'm a fan of the window seat. Plus, if worse comes to worst, you can basically smash yourself against the wall for the duration of the flight.

Anyways, I was seated in my seat near the front of the plane and the aisle seat in my row was almost immediately taken by a morbidly obese woman. This woman needed to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender (which I didn't even really know existed), and I began to think about what a humiliating ordeal flying must be for her. As this was happening more and more people were boarding the plane, and the flight attendants announced numerous times that it was a full flight and that any open seat should be taken. Yet the middle seat between me and the lady remained empty. At least 50 people walked by and a flight attendant basically had to drag some guy to the our row and force him to sit there. It was apparent why no one wanted the seat (because the lady took up about one and a half seats), but someone had to take it. And, as he sat down, the heavyset lady apologized profusely that he had to sit there. She seemed totally aware of the disgust the guy felt having to sit there. I cannot imagine being that lady and knowing that countless people are walking past the open seat because of you. I just felt bad for her. I think I'm almost hyper aware of what people are doing around me and I always wonder what they're thinking. And it seemed like that lady was the same way, except she sadly seemed to know what everyone was thinking.

But now back to my usual non-sensitive self, the guy in the middle seat was forced to take up part of my seat for the entire flight. Oh, and he reeked of cologne, spoke Italian, and didn't pick up on the fact that someone wearing headphones probably doesn't want to chat. I basically ended up hugging the wall of the plane for the entire flight. It was a blast.

Fun Fact #14: I was almost rocking the Sharpie eyeliner look today

So this morning I was getting ready for work and not really thinking about what I was doing. I've been here for a few months now, so things have become pretty routine. I get up, go to the gym, shower, get dressed, do my hair and make-up, and then leave. It's nothing exciting really and biggest change of pace comes from whether I decide to have music or TV (The Today Show!) on I'm getting ready. It's kind of a sad existence for someone in their early 20s to have now that I think about it.

Today I decided to mix it up a little, basically to be totally daring and risky, by using black eyeliner instead of brown. So I didn't really pay attention when I reached for the eyeliner pencil and accidentally grabbed a Sharpie (not a thin one either) instead. I had it up to my eye when I noticed that trademark Sharpie smell and stopped myself.

How tragic would it have been for me to have to walk around for days with Sharpie eyeliner? I would have looked hideous; people would assume I was either a total struggler or that I was trying to bold and daring, neither of which is a look I go for. People always tell me I need to be more daring, considering my "style" (if you can call it that) is pretty dull, but I doubt anyone would support a Sharpie eyeliner look.

But I Googled "Sharpie eyeliner" and there seems to be group of people who support this idea. I think this is a horrendous idea and I'm happy that I didn't inadvertently join the "I wear Sharpie marker, which is toxic and probably dangerous, around my eyes" Club.

Fun Fact #4: Old people can be pretty weird sometimes

This morning I was basically accosted by an old woman, who was probably around 4 feet tall and weighed like 50 pounds, because I was yawning.

I was walking back from the gym, surely looking lovely in my sweaty clothes, and I yawn because I'm tired. This tiny old lady appears out of nowhere and shouts at me, "Do you know your mouth is open?" I awkwardly respond that I do, and she gives the biggest/weirdest smile ever. And then walks away, but not before she pokes me the stomach for good measure. I just stand there, my mouth of course gaping, and this random guy who saw the whole thing just walked by laughing. I still have no idea why she thought poking me would help better convey whatever psychotic message she was trying to get across. I also really don't like when people touch me, so it just made the situation that much better.

I don't know why awkward people enjoy talking to me. I don't like talking to random people and I don't think I come across as especially nice or interested in them. But it's like they seek me out to talk to me, maybe it's karma because I, on a very rare occasion, will mock something (or someone) that I regard as awkward.

My favorite awkward moment ever though has to be when this trashy meth addict, who was carrying around a teddy bear, wouldn't stop looking at me in this weird bar in Eugene. Ronnie, of course, thought it was hilarious.