Fun Fact #48: Karl Marx and Dan Brown are totally easy to confuse!!!

I'm someone who constantly needs to be occupied. For example, it's almost impossible for me to just watch TV, so often I'll be online looking at various websites. I don't really absorb what I'm reading but at least it keeps me from getting too fidgety and shredding whatever paper is nearby (a lovely habit that almost anyone who knows me can attest to).

Anyways, I was watching the Olympics and looking at the Freakanomics blog on NYtimes.com. One of their more recent posts was discussing the fact that some author of one of those "Greatest Quotes of the Twentieth Century" books was having problems finding a lot of exemplary quotes from novels published after the 1950s. So, the author of the post asked the readers of the blog for some suggestions. There was a lot of Cormac McCarthy, Dave Eggers, David Sedaris, Chuck Palahniuk, Douglas Adams... basically the usual suspects.

But one lovely individual, by the name of "Frank", suggested the quote, "Religion is the opiate of the masses" and cited Dan Brown's Angels and Demons NOT Karl Marx as the origin of the quote. I actually burst into laugher and then was quickly embarrassed for poor "Frank" since he must either be really young or have had a horrid education to attribute what is arguably one of the world's most famous quotes to Dan Brown.

I may shred paper when I get too fidgety, but at least I don't confuse the words of Karl Marx and Dan Brown.

Fun Fact #47: I think I'm nostalgic for "I Love the 80s"

Is it weird to be nostalgic about a show that was based solely on a sense of nostalgia for a certain era?

I was came across VH1's "I Love the 80s" in a moment of utter boredom and decided to watch it for a little bit. I definitely remember watching it with my friends/siblings and discussing how humorous it was. And while it's still funny, it now feels weirdly dated which is random since a lot of humor from the show comes from how dated things from the 80s have become. There are a lot of "celebrity" figures who were obscure then and are now totally off the radar.

I looked up "I Love the 80s" on Wikipedia and discovered that premiered in 2002. It is one of those dates that doesn't look like it's that long ago but it's actually six years ago. I guess the show just reminded me of how quickly time goes by and, sadly, made me somewhat nostalgic 2002.

But I guess I'm not the only person because I learned that VH1 recently premiered a series called "I Love the Millennium"...

Fun Fact #45: 3-D Films Terrify Me

I can watch almost any film and read any sort of book without getting scared, I'll get disturbed if something is really horrific but usually not scared. Though there are exceptions, I'm totally terrified by 3-D films. I assume that my fear started after some traumatic viewing experience when I was an overly imaginative child, an experience so traumatic that it was entirely wiped from my memory. Either that, or I'm just a baby when it come to images leaping at me from the screen.I've only seen a few 3-D films and they were all at amusement parks (i.e. Honey, I Shrunk the Audience at Disneyland). I never even thought that they'd come to theaters since that seemed to have gone out of style in the '50s, so imagine my horror when I discovered that 3-D films have made a comeback. In fact, I was almost dragged to see the horrible looking (due both the the story and 3-D images) Journey to the Center of the Earth. Luckily, I managed to get out of the viewing but I can only assume that had I seen it my entire experience would've made up of me cowering in terror.

But perhaps I would've gone with my other coping mechanism, which involves me refusing to put on the stupid glasses they give you. I might have occasionally put them on for a minute, but they would've been torn off the minute something came flying toward me. Oh, and viewing a 3-D image without the glasses means that the film is weirdly colored and distorted.

If you've been privileged enough to never have seen a 3-D film, then you'll have to trust me that even a cute rabbit hopping towards you becomes horrific in 3-D.

Fun Fact #42: I discovered a website with Jewish American Girl dolls and was reminded of a childhood obsession.

Being a history nerd and a girl, it should be of no surprise to anyone that I adored American Girl dolls when I was a child. I had Samantha, the rich (but still sensitive!) Victorian-era doll. I picked her because she looked the most like me, while my little sister got Kristen, the dull (in my opinion) Swedish immigrant doll, because she looked the most like her.

I grew up reading every American girl book and, much to my mother's horror, would sometimes announce how they incorrectly portrayed the conditions of sweatshops, immigrant conditions, food rationing, race relations, etc. Obviously, I've always just been full of "fun facts".

I soon got sick of Samantha though and promptly decided Molly was my new favorite. I asked my mom for a Molly doll and instead given the Molly glasses as if that would transformed Samantha into Molly. But Molly had blue eyes while Samantha had brown and it obviously wouldn't work out. I never did get a Molly doll but my obsession continued unabated.

I even wrote my own American Girl story for my second grade creative writing class. It was all about a lovely immigrant family heading toward Ellis Island (yet another weird obsession) on a boat to start a new life in America. I decide to add some tension by having the boat sink, but I wasn't quite old enough to cope with a death and made sure all of my characters lived. The book was basically a masterpiece and, if I could find it, would probably be eligible for a Pulitzer. At the very least it was far better than my biggest competitor's (aka my little sister) work at the time which featured the adventures of a squirrel named Plumpy.

The main character in my story was Jewish (to make her more like myself since I was quite the narcissist as a child), but, much to my disappointment, there never were any Jewish American Girl dolls. Well, that's now been fixed thanks the introduction of Gali Girls which, according the website, are "Jewish Dolls for Jewish Girls".

The dolls honestly look like the slightly touched cousins of the American Girl dolls. In fact, they're absolutely hideous. But, on the bright side, they all come with a little Star of David, a Jewish holiday playset, and a book. What could be more fun?! You can even buy dolls from the historical line and own Miriam, your own doll from the shtetl, or Shoshana, a Sephardic Jew! I believe that these dolls are a good idea but even myself at eight, both Jewish and a rabid American Girl fan, wouldn't have wanted these dolls since they're so awkward looking. They have giant heads and weird, little bodies.

I hope that they'll have better looking Jewish dolls by the time I have my little history nerd kids.

Fun Fact #41: I have the pleasure of sharing a room with a teenager

It's been about a month since I last posted and much of that month has been spent sharing a room with a hormonal, messy, and "popular" thirteen-year-old girl aka my youngest sister. As one might imagine, it's definitely not the most enjoyable experience in the world. But it's also provided me with plenty of "fun facts" about thirteen-year-old girls that are solely based on my experiences with my sister and her friends.

1. They can be the most self-absorbed individuals on the planet.
It takes my littlest sister a good hour and a half to get ready for school in the morning. She spends much of the time staring at her self in the mirror and painstakingly applying make-up. She often comes out of the bathroom looking a little bit too whorish for my liking.
2. They don't ever take the easy route.
My littlest sister has yet to catch on to the fact that just doing a task is far easier than trying to avoid it. For example, she and I were home alone last weekend and it was therefore my job to keep the house clean. She left her grimy clothes on the floor of the bathroom and I asked her about ten times to put them away. But instead of putting them away, she'd move them to a new location: behind the door, under some towels, stuffed into the corner by the toilet, hidden under the shower curtain, and a bunch of other hiding places until she finally had to give in and throw them in the laundry basket.
3. Their cell phones are the world to them.
The absolute worst thing I can do to my sister is take away her phone, she screams like someone amputated some critical appendage and she either doesn't stop until it's back or she starts plotting her revenge on me (which is usually taking my phone). It's actually a pretty funny sight to see but it the hysterical reactions can get old quickly. Oh, and she also reacts this way when someone reads her precious text messages of which she sends about fifty or sixty a day.
4. They never listen to advice.
I realize that I can sometimes be a little intense about my opinions and sometimes I refuse to admit that the other side can have a valid argument. But I at least listen when someone gives me good advice, this is not the case with my sister. I don't even give her complex advice, it's more along the lines of "If you want Mom to buy you those new shoes, then I suggest you not act like she threw acid on you the next time she tries to give you a hug". But of course, she doesn't listen and then gets hysterically upset when she doesn't get what she wants.
5. The world revolves around them.
This can be a positive because it allows them to believe that they deserve everything and anything they may want. But it's also negative for it means that everyone is watching and judging their each and every move. For example, I picked my sister up from school today and the Feist was playing in the car. She promptly issued a hideous screech, claimed that the music was lame and everyone would make fun of her for listening to it, demanded I change the music, and then slammed the car door shut. She never realized that in all reality most people weren't judging her by the music being emitted from the car picking her up and perhaps only started to pay attention after her antics. Oh, and she also feels the need to constantly reiterate how I, my mom, my dad, my -step dad, my step-mom, my siblings, and any other semi-authority figures have all wrecked (or are currently wrecking) her life. My most recent "life-wrecking" move was moving her cell charger.

But as aggravating as my littlest sister's actions can be, I always try to be somewhat understanding because it's just such a miserable age to be. You're constantly on guard and people older than you are disgusted by your actions while those younger than you are just terrified by the creature you've become. Neither me nor my other sister were the most pleasant teenagers to be around, yet we both outgrew it (for the most part at least) and I have faith that my littlest sister will do the same. She does have some charming qualities that manage to appear ever so often.

Fun Fact #34: Guys will never change...

Spoken by two guys in their forties with heavy Pittsburgh (aka Yinzer) accents during a Pittsburgh Penguin's hockey game:

Guy #1: Celine is pretty hot, right?
Guy #2: I guess so...
Guy #1: You know we've almost hooked up a bunch of times?
Guy #2: Almost?
Guy #1: Yeah, almost. I've decided she must be a lesbian.

I love that some people will go through life avoiding the true cause of their problems. In this case, Guy #2 looked like he had recently crawled out of his parents' basement for the first time in months.

Fun Fact #32: I guess I'm super "white"

A bunch of my friends have emailed me a link to this blog called Stuff White People Like. I actually think a more appropriate title would be Stuff Upper-Middle Class Liberal Urbanites Like, but I guess Stuff White People Like flows a little better. The blog reads kind of like an instruction manual on how to fit in with "White People"...

There are two ways that one can read the blog and I don't really know how the author means for it to be read. On one hand, one can see it as being racist and mean-spirited toward a particular group of people. On the other hand, one could also read it as something that is offensive and funny at the same time. I personally chose to take the second route, but I have a kind of harsh sense of humor and I tend to find "mean-spirited" things to be funny.

The reason I find this blog humorous is because it has me and basically everyone I know pegged down the most mundane aspects. I was really bored at work yesterday, so I read through all the posts and found myself nodding in agreement to the vast majority of them.

I, like almost everyone else I know, like to pretend that I'm a unique little snowflake but, the fact is, I'm painfully similar to a lot of people in my age group (at least on a superficial level). I really have no problem accepting that fact though. I don't think that a lot of the stuff that "white people" like is really even that bad.

Anyways, these are some of my favorite posts:

#67: Standing Still at Concerts
"They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you."
I totally believe this to be true in my case because my dancing skills, or lack thereof, are just that bad.

#54: Kitchen Gadgets
"...The need to own the holy grail of white kitchens - the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle"
I can truly say that basically every house I ever visited (including my own) had a freaking Kitchen Aid Mixer. Ours was never used but it still sat there proudly. And in college, I remember how everyone oohed and ahhed over those who were lucky enough to have one at such a young age!

#40: Apple Products
"On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices?

Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet."
No comment is really even needed, this is so painfully true. People who have Apple products, and I'm one of them, have a tendency become super elitist about how their products are soooo great and how they can never go back to a PC now.

#35: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
"White women all consider John Stewart to be the most perfect man on the planet. This is not a debate, it is law."
True.

#16: Gifted Children
"The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.

If a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school

NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear."
This is my favorite post because it's so accurate. I still remember the pride in my parents' voices when they were able to announce to their friends that of their children had qualified for California's "Gifted and Talented Education" (or GATE) program. My parents were also fans of the Montessori schools and stuff like that. I don't know what they would have done had one of us failed to be "gifted"...

Once again, I can see why people may be offended by this but I just take it with a grain of salt and see the humor in it. A whole different class of white people have "You Might be a Redneck If..." and "Blue Collar TV'" and they're able to laugh at their stereotypes, so I figure that I should be able to as well.