Fun Fact #49: I thought "Contact" was the deepest film ever

When I was a kid I loved the movie Contact. I thought it was deep and profound film, I remember having little debates with my friends about the possibility of life on other planets and other thrilling topics. I don't remember if I ever actually took my friends' opinions into account since I was always kind of headstrong regarding my opinions. As my dad put it, I always liked to be able to declare myself the winner (even in cases where I obviously wasn't)

Anyways, I recently watched Contact again and was horrified to discover that it's not nearly as thoughtful I remembered it to be.In fact, it's a pretty bad film all around. The plot is slow and the twists are fairly ludicrous. Of course, I also thought Armageddon and Titanic were the epitome of great films, so my opinions from that age probably don't hold much weight.

Ten years from now, I hope that I won't look back on my current favorite films and be embarrassed by my tastes.

Fun Fact #48: Karl Marx and Dan Brown are totally easy to confuse!!!

I'm someone who constantly needs to be occupied. For example, it's almost impossible for me to just watch TV, so often I'll be online looking at various websites. I don't really absorb what I'm reading but at least it keeps me from getting too fidgety and shredding whatever paper is nearby (a lovely habit that almost anyone who knows me can attest to).

Anyways, I was watching the Olympics and looking at the Freakanomics blog on NYtimes.com. One of their more recent posts was discussing the fact that some author of one of those "Greatest Quotes of the Twentieth Century" books was having problems finding a lot of exemplary quotes from novels published after the 1950s. So, the author of the post asked the readers of the blog for some suggestions. There was a lot of Cormac McCarthy, Dave Eggers, David Sedaris, Chuck Palahniuk, Douglas Adams... basically the usual suspects.

But one lovely individual, by the name of "Frank", suggested the quote, "Religion is the opiate of the masses" and cited Dan Brown's Angels and Demons NOT Karl Marx as the origin of the quote. I actually burst into laugher and then was quickly embarrassed for poor "Frank" since he must either be really young or have had a horrid education to attribute what is arguably one of the world's most famous quotes to Dan Brown.

I may shred paper when I get too fidgety, but at least I don't confuse the words of Karl Marx and Dan Brown.

Fun Fact #47: I think I'm nostalgic for "I Love the 80s"

Is it weird to be nostalgic about a show that was based solely on a sense of nostalgia for a certain era?

I was came across VH1's "I Love the 80s" in a moment of utter boredom and decided to watch it for a little bit. I definitely remember watching it with my friends/siblings and discussing how humorous it was. And while it's still funny, it now feels weirdly dated which is random since a lot of humor from the show comes from how dated things from the 80s have become. There are a lot of "celebrity" figures who were obscure then and are now totally off the radar.

I looked up "I Love the 80s" on Wikipedia and discovered that premiered in 2002. It is one of those dates that doesn't look like it's that long ago but it's actually six years ago. I guess the show just reminded me of how quickly time goes by and, sadly, made me somewhat nostalgic 2002.

But I guess I'm not the only person because I learned that VH1 recently premiered a series called "I Love the Millennium"...

Fun Fact #44: Family vacations lead to a lot of "fun facts"

Family vacations have made up a significant portion of my life. I've gone to various countries but the majority of them tend to take place in California and usually involve a thrilling road trip on the 5 (or Interstate 5 for everyone outside of Southern California). This summer's family vacations mixed up the formula a little as we went to Atlantic City and then flew, not drove, to the annual Yosemite camping trip. Neither of the trips proved to be hugely memorable, but there were a few "fun facts" that arose from them.

Atlantic City

1) Atlantic City, which I went to for a family reunion, lived up to every preconceived notion that I had about it. I know that I've mentioned that Pittsburgh had more obese people than I'd ever seen before, but Atlantic City surpassed it by leaps and bounds. As one of my aunts put it, "I've never felt better about myself..." Our hotel was basically just a casino and beyond all the lovely noise, flashing lights, and constant smoking, one also had to deal with the risk of being mowed over by some overly enthusiastic casino-goer on a Rascal scooter.

2) I was involved in a rescue attempt at the Jersey shore. No, I didn't finally get to put my superb lifeguard skills to use. Instead, my cousin, my siblings, and I ended up getting stuck in a rip tide. We were all swimming out but I guess we didn't look very graceful because this poor lifeguard came racing out to us with his rescue tube because he assumed we were drowning. Luckily, we had survived the rip tide and were perfectly fine. I think my brother, being the only boy, was slightly humiliated. But it doesn't end there since a few hours later one of aunts actually had to be rescued. I'm sure the lifeguards all hated my family.

3) I went Savage Men, a male revue, with my some of cousins and my 87-year old grandmother. It was just as awkward as it the website makes it out to be. I was hoping it would some choreographed show, like Chippendale's, but it was definitely not up to that caliber. Instead, the show consisted of super beefy men (as in their arms could not touch their sides) humping and simulating sex with "lucky" audience participants. We had went because my grandmother had seen "Thunder Down Under" in Vegas and is basically their number one fan, but even she was disappointed with this show. The most surreal part was one guy came out dressed as a soldier from 300 and began to strip while the movie played in the background. So, while this lovely young man was gyrating all over these wasted girls, images of men being decapitated were flashing across the screen. I left early with one of my cousins (after she was basically accosted by one of the dancers in an attempt to get a tip) and we ended up eating our leftover dinner in some creepy alley on the Boardwalk.

Yosemite

1) As anyone who knows me would guess, I'm not a fan of camping. I'm obsessive about showering and keeping things neat. Camping and I just don't really mix. My last "true" camping experience was in Ashland, OR and it was a disaster. I woke up the first night floating in a puddle of water and the second night was spent sleeping in the back of someone's car. Therefore, this camping trip catered a little more to someone like me as I was able to have an air mattress and hot showers whenever I wanted.

2) I adore white water rafting, it's probably one of my favorite things to do. We spent a day rafting the Tuolumne River and, beyond getting severely sunburned, I had a great time. My family took up the whole raft which meant that my littlest sister actually had to paddle, a task at which she epically failed at. She would basically just dip her paddle in the water and then stare at scenery.

3)I was able to finally finish one of my new favorite books, Blindness by Jose Saramago. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants an engrossing and challenging read. It takes awhile to get into because there is scant punctuation and sentences can take up a whole page.

4) I'm not a huge fan of rodents. So, I was horrified to discover that I had brought a mouse back from camp. I reacted in a totally adult manner, throwing the suitcase at my youngest sister and demanding that she take care of the situation. She ended up trying to nurse the mouse (Tiny Tuolumne or "TT") back to health; she gave him bird food to eat and tried to make him drink out of a little dropper. It was a pretty cute sight, but TT tragically passed away. He shall probably be buried in the massive pet cemetery at our house, next the various pet rodents that have passed away before. There were plans to have a ceremony for TT, but I was busy this evening and my absence would have made the number of attendees drop to one. So, the ceremony for a mouse we knew for a total of an hour was postponed. As of now, TT creepily is sitting right outside my bedroom window in a little box....

Fun Fact #43: Add teenagers to the list of things that can make me emotional

Sometimes I feel as though I've experienced parts of life that I really shouldn't have experienced yet. I played a large role in raising my youngest sister during my high school years due to my parents' rather tumultuous divorce. She and I had (and I think continue to have) a rather unique relationship, she almost felt more like my child than my sister. I believe that might be one of the reasons it has become so tough to watch her transform from a sweet little girl into a self-absorbed teenager.

I feel that I must have had some influence on the person that she's become but I worry that they've contributed more to her negative qualities rather than her positive ones. She's extremely aware of how the world works and is no where near as innocent as I was at that age, this adds to her sense of superiority that she feels around her peers. She's been exposed to so many things both because she's the youngest of four kids and because she grew up hanging out with our friends.

She used to idolize me and would excitedly call me while I was away at school just to talk. But now I've become some sort of leper. Most of the time I find her antics humorous, but her constant criticisms and whining are exhausting to deal with. There are occasional flashes of the little girl she used to be, but they're far and few between.

If anything, this experience has prepared me for the day when my own children suddenly see me as a social pariah. I also feel bad for all the things that I put my poor parents through. My dad always talks about how, in fifth grade, I abruptly came to the decision that he was "lame" and made him and my sister walk a good ten feet behind me on the way to school as not to infringe upon my utter "coolness". I remember that phase of my life(the one my littlest sister is now fully entrenched in) passing by relatively quickly, but my parents assure me that it was long and arduous process. So I'm looking forward to more years of "fun" with my littlest sister, but I still hope that she'll come out of it quickly and revert back to the way I remember her.

Fun Fact #33: I'm terrified my toenail is going to fall off

I was trying to be a "good sport" in December when I decided to embrace the miserable cold and snow that winter brings to Pittsburgh by going skiing. I used a pair a pair of my cousin's old boots and things seemed to be going to well, I mean the boots hurt a little but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

The next morning I woke up to find the toenail on my big toe was throbbing and turning unpleasant colors. I realize this sounds like a pretty mundane "injury" to complain about but now, about three months later, the nail is dark black and feels (and looks) like it's going to fall off. The thought of that happening makes me nauseous.

I've been unable to stop focusing on my "deformed" toenail. I just want the nail off to fall off quickly, but I don't want it to be a surprise. I realize that it almost sounds like I'm discussing giving birth or something. Anyways, one of my newest fears involves taking off my shoe and having my toe nail fall off in the process. I now take my shoes off very carefully...

I'm super impatient and like being in control of things, I'm not into anything unexpected. I was totally the kid who would basically tear their loose tooth out to avoid waiting for it to fall out. I would head to the bathroom the second I felt that my tooth was loose and sit in front of the mirror twisting it until it came out.

I obviously cannot follow the same tactics for my toenail since it would probably lead to excruciating pain, so I just have to wait it out. I realize this is not a very significant event to write about it but it's probably the thing I'm focusing on most. For better or worse, I tend to obsesses about things I have no control over.

UPDATE: My biggest fear came true and I tore my toenail off when I was removing my shoe. I can't even look at my toe without feeling nauseous but I guess it can start healing now.

Fun Fact #32: I guess I'm super "white"

A bunch of my friends have emailed me a link to this blog called Stuff White People Like. I actually think a more appropriate title would be Stuff Upper-Middle Class Liberal Urbanites Like, but I guess Stuff White People Like flows a little better. The blog reads kind of like an instruction manual on how to fit in with "White People"...

There are two ways that one can read the blog and I don't really know how the author means for it to be read. On one hand, one can see it as being racist and mean-spirited toward a particular group of people. On the other hand, one could also read it as something that is offensive and funny at the same time. I personally chose to take the second route, but I have a kind of harsh sense of humor and I tend to find "mean-spirited" things to be funny.

The reason I find this blog humorous is because it has me and basically everyone I know pegged down the most mundane aspects. I was really bored at work yesterday, so I read through all the posts and found myself nodding in agreement to the vast majority of them.

I, like almost everyone else I know, like to pretend that I'm a unique little snowflake but, the fact is, I'm painfully similar to a lot of people in my age group (at least on a superficial level). I really have no problem accepting that fact though. I don't think that a lot of the stuff that "white people" like is really even that bad.

Anyways, these are some of my favorite posts:

#67: Standing Still at Concerts
"They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you."
I totally believe this to be true in my case because my dancing skills, or lack thereof, are just that bad.

#54: Kitchen Gadgets
"...The need to own the holy grail of white kitchens - the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle"
I can truly say that basically every house I ever visited (including my own) had a freaking Kitchen Aid Mixer. Ours was never used but it still sat there proudly. And in college, I remember how everyone oohed and ahhed over those who were lucky enough to have one at such a young age!

#40: Apple Products
"On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices?

Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet."
No comment is really even needed, this is so painfully true. People who have Apple products, and I'm one of them, have a tendency become super elitist about how their products are soooo great and how they can never go back to a PC now.

#35: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
"White women all consider John Stewart to be the most perfect man on the planet. This is not a debate, it is law."
True.

#16: Gifted Children
"The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.

If a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school

NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear."
This is my favorite post because it's so accurate. I still remember the pride in my parents' voices when they were able to announce to their friends that of their children had qualified for California's "Gifted and Talented Education" (or GATE) program. My parents were also fans of the Montessori schools and stuff like that. I don't know what they would have done had one of us failed to be "gifted"...

Once again, I can see why people may be offended by this but I just take it with a grain of salt and see the humor in it. A whole different class of white people have "You Might be a Redneck If..." and "Blue Collar TV'" and they're able to laugh at their stereotypes, so I figure that I should be able to as well.

Fun Fact #28: I'd be humilated...

I was watching the news this morning at the gym and there was a report on the obesity epidemic. That in itself is nothing exciting, there's always a report on how Americans are eating themselves to death. This report used the typical footage of obese people walking around and eating, and, as usual, the footage avoided showing their faces to preserve their identity. But people can still recognize themselves and others without seeing a face.

Footage like is always on and I realized that there must be people that are innocently watching the news and then they see an image of their body being shown the represent someone who is morbidly obese. Can you imagine how horrifically depressing that would be?

I'm sure this has happened to quite a few individuals and I actually feel really badly for them. I wonder what their reaction would be?

I googled the term obese to find pictures to go with this post and realized that people could also come across pictures of themselves that way too. I just cannot even fathom what it would feel like to see your body alongside some medical article about obesity. I think I'd be totally and utterly humiliated.

These people must know that they're overweight, but I just don't think they'd be thrilled being with their "anonymous" image being broadcasted during a CNN report on America's gluttony.

Fun Fact #27: Police without guns just look off

The weather has been horrible in Pittsburgh and I've been been feeling kind of sick, therefore I've been staying inside and watching TV. The current writer's strike has caused a total lack of new episodes of any of my standby shows, so I've been forced to turn to other sources. I get a few channels that randomly show British mystery/crime shows. The acting and writing is surprisingly good and they often play more like little movies (running about 90 minutes each episode) rather than TV show.

Anyways, crime shows will obviously have characters that are cops and those cops will inevitably spend some scene running after a criminal. And it's during these scenes that I notice the biggest difference between American and UK crime shows. This is because when the cop either starts chasing the suspect or catches up to him/her, he'll pull out his weapon and brandish it at them in an attempt to get the suspect of comply with his orders. But, the thing is, most UK cops are not allowed to use guns....

The weapon of most British cops according to Wikipedia and my TV

They instead use an extendable baton. A baton!! I realize that it can cause great pain (and probably even kill) when it's used to hit someone, but it doesn't really look threatening compared to a gun. I know some UK forces are armed with guns, but most are not. If I were a criminal I'd be a lot more likely to submit to a cop with a gun than a freaking baton. It honestly takes me out of the program when I see one of the cops whip out their baton and begin the chase.

I guess it can also be a sign of how much the media influences how I, and probably others, view things because I've never actually seen a cop pull out a gun on anyone, but it's still something I see as the norm. I'd bet that a lot of criminals in the US, no matter how much it could actually hurt them, wouldn't feel very threatened when being chased by a cop wielding a baton.

But of course, let's be honest. I'd be terrified of cop chasing me no matter what he was wielding, and probably submit pretty quickly (if I hadn't already tripped on my own while running). I'm not really a hardened criminal type though...